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Hey guys, it's me; Eve!
The last few months since Christmas have been the biggest for me, in terms of emotional and personal development. It feels crazy, how in November I was at the lowest points in my life, but now I feel...so much better. It sounds weird, and it feels a little bizarre, but I've felt parts of myself return that I'd buried or thought I'd lost forever. I legitimately laugh at stupid things, I enjoy the weirdest crap, and I have found the part of myself I'd missed the most, the fun part that believes in the goodness of people and the world.
Once again, I can wake up and enjoy liking dumb things and enjoy getting involved with fandoms, and I've developed a belief for my own value that I'd never had before. It doesn't matter if people don't like what I like, because I can't help what I like, and I shouldn't feel bad for having personal tastes. I am a person who loves and hates, and I no longer feel like I need to hide parts of my personality to fit in. What's best, is that I believe in the value of my own life.
It's a big thing to say, that I no longer want to die. It is a freeing notion, however, and curious. I really do feel happy, and I've developed ways of keeping my head above water so that I can try my best at not falling that low again.
It's even stranger that I look back and don't recognise the sad, horribly depressed girl who really had no will to carry on. I didn't feel like me, but now I do.
Before I was at my worst, I was a mixed bag of everything. When I was at my lowest, I felt like nothing at all. Now, my pursuit for happiness in its purest form has built me up into what I'd like to think is a decent person. I've never minded what happened to me in life, as long as it has made me happy, and more than ever I can say that and be proud.
I think the word that best describes how I'm feeling is peace.
It has been one hell of a journey, and one that will continue throughout my life, but I know that I couldn't have handled this rough few years without my mum, without my boyfriend, my friends that have come and gone (and the friends that have stayed), my fictional and real icons, and you guys!
Your endless support has always inspired me to do better for myself and for you, and I know I wouldn't have become the person I am today without the knowledge that you believe in me. I really appreciate all the help you've given me, and I can never return the favour.
(Special shoutout to God, for listening to me all those dark days.)
~Thank you
P.S. I've still got a list of commissions from years ago; I never forget. And I will finish the Sherlock story, promise! Most of the last chapter is already written.
If you would like to keep in touch, or just see what the Starchild is up to, follow me on Instagram ExuberantStarchild
P.P.S. Doctor Who and Bill Potts are amazing and Supernatural is just WOW WHAT THE?!
The last few months since Christmas have been the biggest for me, in terms of emotional and personal development. It feels crazy, how in November I was at the lowest points in my life, but now I feel...so much better. It sounds weird, and it feels a little bizarre, but I've felt parts of myself return that I'd buried or thought I'd lost forever. I legitimately laugh at stupid things, I enjoy the weirdest crap, and I have found the part of myself I'd missed the most, the fun part that believes in the goodness of people and the world.
Once again, I can wake up and enjoy liking dumb things and enjoy getting involved with fandoms, and I've developed a belief for my own value that I'd never had before. It doesn't matter if people don't like what I like, because I can't help what I like, and I shouldn't feel bad for having personal tastes. I am a person who loves and hates, and I no longer feel like I need to hide parts of my personality to fit in. What's best, is that I believe in the value of my own life.
It's a big thing to say, that I no longer want to die. It is a freeing notion, however, and curious. I really do feel happy, and I've developed ways of keeping my head above water so that I can try my best at not falling that low again.
It's even stranger that I look back and don't recognise the sad, horribly depressed girl who really had no will to carry on. I didn't feel like me, but now I do.
Before I was at my worst, I was a mixed bag of everything. When I was at my lowest, I felt like nothing at all. Now, my pursuit for happiness in its purest form has built me up into what I'd like to think is a decent person. I've never minded what happened to me in life, as long as it has made me happy, and more than ever I can say that and be proud.
I think the word that best describes how I'm feeling is peace.
It has been one hell of a journey, and one that will continue throughout my life, but I know that I couldn't have handled this rough few years without my mum, without my boyfriend, my friends that have come and gone (and the friends that have stayed), my fictional and real icons, and you guys!
Your endless support has always inspired me to do better for myself and for you, and I know I wouldn't have become the person I am today without the knowledge that you believe in me. I really appreciate all the help you've given me, and I can never return the favour.
(Special shoutout to God, for listening to me all those dark days.)
~Thank you
P.S. I've still got a list of commissions from years ago; I never forget. And I will finish the Sherlock story, promise! Most of the last chapter is already written.
If you would like to keep in touch, or just see what the Starchild is up to, follow me on Instagram ExuberantStarchild
P.P.S. Doctor Who and Bill Potts are amazing and Supernatural is just WOW WHAT THE?!
Eversley's Bi-yearly Check-in
2016 was one hell of a year.
:bulletpink: My dog, Jimmy, collapsed and died (you can find his pictures in my gallery).
:bulletpink: My boyfriend collapsed, dislocating his shoulder. He keeps having seizures. (If you're reading this LittleStallion, please let me vent).
:bulletpink: I got dropped from therapy. As a result, my OCD is worse; I act like a zombie most of the time, in fear of compulsions.
:bulletpink: (This looks so whiny, it's all me me me me me; I will get to you amazing lot!) <3
:bulletpink: A positive thing: I was almost a year clean. :)
:bulletpink: Started college for the third time, but we have one teacher left out of six
A Little Update
First off, I'd like to thank all the wonderful and amazing people who have supported me through so much, and who continue to do so. Without you, I know I wouldn't be where I am today.
Second, I'd like to apologise for my lack of updates and how I am failing to respond to people. An apology is pathetic, but most of the time I can barely even find the words to speak to people in person, let alone formulate coherent sentences to type out. It's something I'm working on.
Finally I'm feeling progress in some ways, and although I still have bad days (everybody does) I'm able to cope with them much better, as bad days are only as bad as I make them
Struggling
*rant*
This year, a year meant for change, I hate it.
Already, I have been harrassed online and in person more than any other time in my life. When I'm down, people keep kick-kick-kicking me until I cry, insulting me, insulting what I like. My own fandoms are fighting, taking sides or tearing themselves apart.
There is no family where there was one. There is no safety network unless you're super popular. I'm fed up of deleting deviations, deleting everything about me because people don't like it.
I have watched someone read my suicide note whilst I'm still alive, and suffered a feeling far worse than death.
What's the point in pretending
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
*Bowie song plays*
I'm on the straight for now, keep falling off a few times but I'm getting there.
I cut all my hair off, so it matches Black Widow. I feel empowered doing it though, it feels good.
I'm starting counselling soon. See, I'm getting there.
You're all so patient with me.
I'm so thankful, every day that you are.
I've changed so much as a person, but I'm still me. I still love the things I have loved, and I still have a heart full of caring.
My brain feels like a hurricane of emotion and thought, and though it feels mostly bad, I have good days, like today. I feel exhausted a lot, and sometimes it's a job getting out of bed
© 2017 - 2024 ExuberantStarchild
Comments14
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You're brilliant. I knew you'd make it out of the dark! It's like that Rodney Atkins song:If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, if you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there
I find that that fits you. You got out! Congratulations!
I can't wait to see what you do in the future!I've been lax. I've not been around dA a lot recently, and I keep saying I'll fix that, but we'll see. We all have highs and lows in our activity, so I'm glad you've made it back out on the court. Good luck and God bless you! :hug;